Passing the Time
by Starlite-Destiny
Summary: Sensui's out on the town and Itsuki is all alone in his little boat. Can he survive? Can he keep his concentration? Can Shinobu deal with the aftermath! Find out! Slight OCC and hints of Shonenai.
1. Passing the Time

Passing the Time

Starlite: Warning! This is NOT a serious fic and is nearly 100 humor! Those with no sense of humor should back away now! I DON'T OWN ANYTHING AND NEVER WILL SO STOP BOTHERING ME!!!! Also all the words in _italic_ are things that he is saying in his head and there is very small hints of shonen-ai if you look hard enough. **ALWAYS REVIEW!!**

Itsuki was sitting in his boat surrounded by candles. He was all alone because Sensui had left the cave to tend to business in the human world.

_I really should be concentrating, but it's just so...boring. Maybe Shinobu won't mind if I lost my train of thought for just a few minutes...NO! I must keep my concentration! Hmmm, maybe it's time for a song._

"Every night in my dreams  
I see you. I feel you.  
That is how I know you go on."

The demons on the other side of the barrier groaned as they heard him sing. It really wasn't that bad, but they just didn't like being sung to.

_Okay! Quite enough of that! Maybe a game! Yes, a game to pass the time! I know! I can play fetch with Uraotoko and my extra arms. Nah. That could get noisy...Hmmm, there has got to be something I can do to pass the time without being too loud......................................Aha! I can...No I can't do that. Maybe I could...No that's too complicated. I got it! I can sit here and try to make up words to confuse anyone (or myself) who dares to try to get the best of me! Mwahahahaha!!! Hmmm, what would be a good word for "I'M INSANELY BORED AND NEED TO GET A LIFE!!!!" Maybe ibantgal..Yes, this is proof that my life is going down the tubes. IBANTGAL! (sigh) Alas, the things some people do for love... _

After 3 hours of talking to himself and making up strange words...

_Argh! I hate this! He said he would only be gone for a few hours! **NOT** **6! DOES HE EVEN REALISE HOW HARD IT IS TO SIT HERE ALL BY YOURSELF AND TRY TO OPEN A PORTAL THAT WILL ALLOW POWERFUL DEMONS TO DESTROY THE WORLD!?!?! NO! BECAUSE ALL HE EVER DOES IS GO TO THE HUMAN WORLD TO TORMENT THE OTHER PSYCHICS AND YUSUKE URAMESHI! AND WHEN HE'S NOT DOING THAT, HE'S WATCTING THE CHAPTER BLACK VIDEO THAT STARTED THIS WHOLE THING IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! ON TOP OF ALL THAT STUFF, IF WE CAN'T FIND THE PSYCHIC TO CUT THE KEKKAI BARRIER NET ALL THIS WORK WILL BE FOR NOTHING ACCEPT TO ALLOW LOWER CLASS DEMONS TO PASS THROUGH!!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!**_

5 minutes later...

_Okay. I'm calm. I've done my deep breathing exercises and I've counted to ten. This isn't Shinobu's fault. This is the human race's fault. I was put in this world to create this portal thingy. This stupid portal is my life. It is my job. It is also......**THE BIGGEST PAIN IN THE ASS EVER!!!! BPITAE!!! 10**. **9**. **8**. **7**. **6**. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. (deep breath) I'm alright now. I can't be mad about this. This is supposed to be for the better good. But I still can't help but think that I could have a better job than sitting on a boat waiting for a human to come back because I have nothing better to do. I could have gone to college like y mother always wanted, but NO! I had to get involved with a human and become part of a plot to destroy life on Earth as we know it. I could have made something of myself! I could have fulfilled my dreams and became an author of a **picture book for blind children!**_

"And why can't I think of a word for "Will Shinobu ever pay me for the work I do?" Itsuki accidentally said outloud.

"No." Sensui simply stated from behind Itsuki's boat.

"Ah! Shinobu, when did you get here?" Itsuki was sweating bullets.

"Oh, about fifteen minutes ago."

"Why didn't you tell me you were here?"

"I wanted to see how long you were going to talk to yourself before you realized that I was here. And what's this non-sense about a picture book for blind children?"

"Nothing sir. Just a stupid thought."

"Ah. Anyway, how is it coming along?"

"Ibantgal." Itsuki forgot about his language that he was growing accustomed to.

"Remind me to never to leave you alone anymore."

Starlite: How did you like it? I was in one of my happy happy moods and felt like tormenting Itsuki today. **YOU HAVE TO REVIEW!!** IT IS YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE BECAUSE IBANTGAL!!!


	2. Alone Again

Alone Again

Starlite: This was only going to be a one shot, but I am **REVIEW **hungry and like the positive attention. That and I just love to torment Itsuki. Heh heh! **ALWAYS REVIEW!!!!!!!**

"Shinobu, are you going out again?" Itsuki asked sitting in his little boat.

"Yes. Apparently they think that they might have found the psychic to cut the kekkai barrier."

"Ah. So I'll be alone again?"

"Yes."

"Joy...."

_Great! Just absolutely fucking wonderful. Shinobu is going out to hover about the town and leave me here...alone...with no one to talk to. Alas, one can only take so much BULL SHIT!!!! -sigh- And so goes a day in the life of myself. Again I have lost my train of thought due to the lack of Shinobu. Hmmmm, I must think of a way to get him to stay here with me...AHA!! I've got it, but it has got to be timed perfectly._

"Uraotoko! Sit in front of the door with your mouth open. I'm Shinobu hunting! Heh heh heh!"

_Now, let's see him weasel his way out of this! I'll have him all to myself and I won't have to worry about the human world! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!! I knew Uraotoko would have a VERY useful purpose eventually!! Now all I have to do is wait...for hours...waiting for Shinobu to return...alone. _

_-sits in silence for 10 minutes-_

_-starts making hand puppets-_

_Lefty: So, what is your name?_

_Righty: My name is Itsuki. What's yours?_

_Lefty: My name is Shinobu._

_Itsuki the hand: That is a nice name._

_Shinobu the hand: Oh by the way, I have to kill you because you are a demon hand._

_Itsuki the hand: But I have to see the end of my favorite television show!_

_Shinobu the hand: Heh heh! That is pretty funny. I think I'll let you live because I have a sick and twisted sense of humor._

_Itsuki the hand: YAY! Can I be your partner?  
_

_Shinobu the hand: Of course as long as you like to work long hours with no pay or friends._

_Itsuki the hand: No. Why would I mind a silly thing like that?! -starts to beat 'Shinobu' with a flaming candle until he realizes that it hurts-_

_OUCH! That wasn't supposed to happen. Now Shinobu is going to think that I'm things get any worse? Never mind, I won't ask that. I know for a fact that if I say that that something 100 times worse happens to the main character. Am I the main character? Is there a strange young girl named Starlite writing these things about me just to ruin my life and drive me crazy?...Nah. What would be the odds of that happening?_

"Itsuki! I'm back! AHHH!!!!!DAMMITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Yes! He fell right into my trap! Good job, Uraotoko!"

-Inside Uraotoko-

"Why hello Shinobu! You're looking nice today." Itsuki grinned.

"Shut the hell up, Itsuki! Get me out of this thing!"

"He has a name! Don't be so insensitive!"

"I think you are the one who is being TOO sensitive."

"If I started calling you "that thing" you would get mad too!"

"But I think that we have a misunderstanding going on here."

"Yes. We do."

"You don't understand that if I'm not out of this **THING** in ten seconds you will be a very dead demon. I let you live, but you were lucky. See how long you last."

"Okay. Let's compromise. If you start spending more time with me I'll let you out."

"Okay! Just let me out!"

-back outside in the cave thing-

"-sigh- You had to ruin my fun didn't you?"

"Yes. Hey! Why aren't you in your little boat concentrating?!?!?!"

"Oh yeah! Oops! I'd better get to work."

"No duh!"

"Hey, Shinobu?" asked Itsuki now perched inside his candle decorated boat.

"Yes?"

"Did you mean it that you would spend more time with me?"

"Yes. Of course."

"Are you lying?"

"Yes. Of course."

"Is that all you can say?"

"Yes. Of course."

"Do you love me?"

"....."

"-sigh- Sometimes you find the pot of gold, other times you find a pot that someone has already found gold in and used it to take a shit in...."

Starlite: Good? Bad? Ugly? All of the above? I don't care! Just **REVIEW**! No flames please!


	3. Hanky Panky

Hanky Panky

Starlite: Another dysfunctional chapter! YAY! I own nothing but the plot...

_Oh dear...Where could I have put that hanky...I know I left it around here somewhere..._ Itsuki thought to himself. It had gotten a little chilly in his boat and he came down with a cold. Shinobu had supplied him with a silky pink hanky. "Oh hanky, where could you be!" The demon exclaimed in grief.

"Itsuki...You need to be concentrating. I'll go to town and buy you a new one. I'll be back in an hour...Just sit there and concentrate..." Sensui said as he moved off of the couch.

"No Shinobu! Don't leave me here alone again! I don't need my..." Itsuki was cut off by the slamming of a door.

_Now he'll stay gone for several hours...I know he will...And I'll be here all by myself...Aha! My hanky! _

Itsuki blew his nose.

_Hmmm...This hanky smells very funny...It makes my head all spinny...Woah...I feel light as a feather! I feel like..._

Itsuki passed out. Unfortunately the hanky he found wasn't his. Sensui had used that very hanky to kidnap someone. It was covered it a strong smelling liquid. Only Shinobu would gag someone with a silky pink hanky...

When he woke up he was lying on the couch with a ice pack on his head. Shinobu was glaring at him with contempt...

"Baka youkai...Only you would find a way to knock yourself out while sitting in a boat. I managed to drag you here and lay you on the couch."

"I'm sorry Shinobu. I didn't know that the hanky you gave me looked just like the hankies you use to kidnap people."

"Indeed...Well, I'd better change that ice pack..." Shinobu reached over Itsuki and grabbed his ice pack. Sensui's chest was right in Itsuki's face. He took the lovely opportunity he had to tickle Sensui a little. He jumped back and glared.

"Why you little..." he growled.

"I'm sorry Sensui! I won't do it again!" Itsuki cried.

"I guess I'll have to punish you..." Sensui said as he pulled out a little black whip. He then jumped on top of Itsuki and tried to make out with him.

"Shinobu!...What...Are...You...Doing!..." Itsuki said between kisses.

"Baka youkai! I'm trying to make sweet love to you! What does it look like I'm doing?" Shinobu growled.

"Oh Shinobu!" Itsuki exclaimed. Soon the deed was done and they were both laying on the couch.

"Shinobu...Why don't we do things like that more often?" Itsuki seductively moaned.

"Because, Dumbass, if you haven't noticed already...You're dreaming..." And with that sentence Itsuki woke up...He was indeed lying on the couch and Shinobu was back and he had an ice pack on his head. But he also had a big wet spot in a very noticeable place...

"Baka youkai...Only you would find a way to knock yourself out while sitting in a boat. I managed to drag you here and lay you on the couch." Sensui said. "I've sat here and watched you the entire time...You've been talking **_AND_** moaning in your sleep...Most of the time it was '_Oh Shinobu...'_ and then there is that oh so lovely wet spot on your crotch...

"I'd rather not talk about it..." Itsuki sweat dropped.

Starlite: **_Review!_**


	4. Are Drugs Illegal?

_Are Drugs Illegal?_

Starlite: YAY! This fic makes me hyper! YAYAYAYAYAY! (spins)

Itsuki began another terribly boring day sitting on his little boat. Shinobu was sitting on his couch looking at some stuff that he had confiscated from some troublesome human punks like Yusuke Urameshi. As a matter of fact, Sensui stole it from Yusuke Urameshi...Anyway...Back to the story...They made Itsuki curious. The smell that they gave off made Itsuki feel all fuzzy inside.

"Shinobu?" he said innocently.

"Yes, baka youkai?"

"What are those?"

"Drugs."

"What are drugs?"

"Things that you aren't supposed to have because they make you feel too good."

"Too good?" Itsuki was confused.

"Yes! Now stop pestering me!" Shinobu snapped.

"Geez, seems to me like you need to take a few of those." Itsuki said under his breath.

Soon the time came that Shinobu would leave Itsuki by himself. There was a problem though. Sensui had forgotten to hide his "stash". He left the box open on the couch, like he wanted Itsuki to take it...Itsuki of course had to investigate what was making the good smell. He hopped out of his boat and onto the couch. Conveniently, the box was still open, revealing all kinds of goodies. They all looked so interesting, he decided to try them all. There was a paper inside that showed how to use each one. The first thing he grabbed was what the paper called a "joint". Apparently someone had already rolled it for him, he just had to set it on fire. He hopped back on his boat and grabbed a candle. He, being a demon who really was never properly taught about smoking, caught the entire thing on fire. It burned pretty quickly, but the smoke made Itsuki's eyes water.

_Whoa...Awesome...I feel all spinney...Wheeeeeee..._

The next thing he grabbed kind of looked like a thick paper towel (LSD). The instructions said for him to put a strip of it in his mouth and chew it. So, naturally, Itsuki put the entire thing in his mouth. The paper also warned him about hallucinations with this drug.

_Hey! Is that a sassy pink unicorn? I think it is! That's hot. I wanna ride you sassy pink unicorn! Come back! _

Itsuki randomly ran about the room screaming about a unicorn and randomly quoting Paris Hilton. Soon he got out a bucket and sponge and started to wash the couch, while enjoying a nice juicy hamburger, in a pink polka dotted bikini.

he sees the remote control and thinks it is Sensui.-

The real Shinobu Sensui walks in-

_Oh! I see you have been watching me during 'naughty time' Shinobu. Am I going to have to punish you? I think I am! _

_-pulls out a whip- Come here Shinobu, you hot sexy man you. Tee hee hee hee!_

_Sensui: -sweatdrops-_

_-Itsuki sees Sensui and mistakes him for a rabid, jealous fangirl.-_

Itsuki: Oh my Gawd! I can't believe you showed you ugly face here, Kayko! Does Yusuke Urameshi realize that you are in love with MY Shinobu! You aren't good enough for him! That outfit is, like, soooooooo last yesterday! I can't believe that you even own that thing. But maybe if you tried a different shade of pink for your blush and fixed your hair more sexy. Oh and then you could get a foxy little number at a lingerie store and get a few toys at an adult playtime store... Oh my gawd that would make him blow like a volcano.

Sensui: -sweatdrop increases in size- Um sure...Why not...

Itsuki: Your voice! It sounds like Shinobu's! Did you eat him? I'm jealous...That's so hot...

Soon Itsuki got bored with talking to Kayko and continued to wash the couch. Shinobu, who detested the idea of his couch being washed, got up to set Itsuki straight...If that was even possible at the time...

"Now Itsuki! Stop getting my couch wet!" Shinobu yelled. When he yelled Itsuki realized that he wasn't a mirage and it was actually him. Itsuki then arched his back puckered his lip and said in the most seductive voice possible, "Oh but Shinobu...The couch is just sooooooo dirty...Just like you..."

"Oh...My...Gawd...That's hot..."

Starlite: **_REVIEW!_**


	5. IMPORTANT AUTHOR NOTE

_**Important Author's Note!!!**_

I have created another account, and intend on continuing writing there. If there is a fic that you would greatly want me to continue, please message me at either this account or my new account, JumpingPantsSauce, and I will. I still love all of my previous material, but would like to get past my childish writing ways and do not have enough time in my day to go back and fix all of my errors. Thank you so much for all your support over the years as Starlite, and now I would love it if you would support me now as JPS.


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